The Purpose of Friendship

Today’s blog post is an excerpt from our latest podcast episode Friendship Seasons: A Theology of Friendship and Loneliness. You can listen to the latest podcast episode here: https://kelseyleewrites.podbean.com/e/friendship-seasons-a-theology-of-friendship-and-loneliness/?token=2582c1b70ab5e42bcfcf1cdb408ef3b7. Also, if you’d like to take this lesson deeper, I invite you to check out the PDF download A Theology of Friendship here: kelseyleewrites.com/shop.

Sometimes friendship feels like the best part of life. Happy memories, that feeling of being known, having a few someone’s to call on during life’s celebrations and sorrows are blessings we can’t imagine living without. 

But sometimes the idea of friendship is terrifying. We carry scars from broken or toxic friendships, or we might struggle to make and sustain real-life friendships in the midst of a busy, digital world. Sometimes the digital, or even the fictional, just feels safer.

Friendship can feel like a gamble sometimes, and it can leave us wondering if friendship is even worth it.

Friendship, despite the many ways we may have been hurt by friends in the past, is meant to be a good gift from our heavenly Father.

To understand the gift of friendship, we must understand God.

Our God is relational. God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit have eternally existed in perfect love and relationship. And when God created humanity in His own image, as Genesis 1:27 tells us, that included making us relational beings. In Genesis 2 God created family, saying it was not good for man to be alone, and we learn here that humanity was created for relationship with one another and with God. All relationships, whether marriage, parent-child, or friendships, are intended to be good gifts from a relational God. But the most important relationship we were made for is our relationship with God.  

The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. Zephaniah 3:17 (NASB95)

God delights in you. And we were made to delight in God.

But if friendship is meant to be a good gift from God, why do so many of us carry friendship wounds?

All of creation was made good by God, but it has been marred by humanity’s rebellion against our holy God. Nothing on earth escaped the damaging effects of sin, including friendship. Sin has broken our fellowship, or friendship, with God, and that break of fellowship has affected all other relationships. We are broken people who deserve God’s just punishment for sinning against Him. But God, in His grace, provided a Savior through Jesus Christ to restore our relationship with Himself.

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. Romans 5:6-11

Through Christ, our relationship with God is redeemed and restored, and through Christ, our broken relationships with one another can be healed and redeemed to the praise of His glory and grace.

Following Christ does not exclude us from the effects of sin on our relationships. We will still experience hurts, misunderstanding, and loneliness, but through those hardships the Lord will sanctify us and draw us closer to Himself. 

Friendship matters to God because God is relational and designed us for fellowship with Himself and one another. And through friendships, even with the ups and downs, we have an avenue through which we can glorify God and display His gospel of grace to the lost world around us.

Biblical Examples of Friendship

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

All Scripture teaches us how to live the Christian life to the glory of God, and that includes in the area of friendship. The Bible has many examples we can learn from about what it means to be a good friend. Let’s take a look at three biblical examples of friendship.

1: David and Jonathan. When I think of a biblical example of friendship, David and Jonathan are the first to come to mind.

Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. 1 Samuel 18:1

David and Jonathan were instant friends. That special kind of friend that you run into once and feel immediately is a kindred spirit. Through the lives of these great warriors, we see aspects of friendship displayed like speaking well of one another, protecting one another, and even weeping together. We see the humility of Jonathan to recognize God’s will in David’s life to make him king, and Jonathan humbly surrenders to God’s will. These were brothers who loved one another more than themselves. It’s this type of love that Jesus says marks His disciples:

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:35

2: Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. These four friends were taken captive by Babylon during Judah’s 70 years of exile. They banded together to support one another in honoring the Lord in a foreign land. They helped one another stand strong in their faith in the middle of tests and trials, and God blessed them through their faithfulness. Godly friends encourage us to stand strong in the face of trials and temptations. And often friendships are strengthened through shared difficulties.

3: Ruth and Naomi. Ruth befriended her mother-in-law, Naomi, and cared for her in her time of need. Even though at times the friendship may have felt one-sided as Ruth cared for Naomi while Naomi walked through the trenches of depression, she stayed faithful both to caring for Naomi and to following the God that Naomi had introduced her to. And through this friendship, the Lord provided Ruth with Boaz for a husband, and the Lord provided Obed as an heir for Naomi. Having friendships with people of different life stages than ourselves can help us grow in the Lord in different ways than if we only pursue friendships with people in the same age category or life stage as ourselves. As humans, we gravitate towards those who are like us, including in life stages. But we might just be missing out on a great blessing of friendship if we lock our focus into only befriending those who can “relate” with us. We have so much to learn from one another, so don’t be afraid to pursue friendship with someone different from yourself.  

Friendship is a good gift God created for us to enjoy. We are created for friendship with God and with one another. The Scriptures teach us what good relationships with God and each other look like. And whatever season of friendship you find yourself in, remember that Jesus is everything we need. Because of His amazing grace, we are sanctified through the different seasons of friendship to become molded more and more into the image of Christ.

With love,

Kelsey

P.S. Don’t forget to listen to check out A Theology of Friendship!

A Theology of Friendship is written for those wanting to know why friendship is still worth it. Inside you’ll find answers to common questions, like:

• Why does friendship matter?
• What does the Bible say about being a friend?
• What does the Bible say about friendship with unbelievers?
• Can I be friends with the opposite sex?

…and more! Plus, you’ll find practical tips to help you make new friends and invest in the friendships you already have. If you’re ready to understand God’s design for friendships, then click on the image below and get your copy of A Theology of Friendship today!